Why so serious?

Joe’s Post #17 — Ok, so it’s been a tough couple of weeks. Lost material. Cold. Blah, blah, blah. Time for some fun.

spamFor some reason I don’t completely understand, our beloved blog has been splooged by spam. Yesterday alone, I deleted 76 spam messages. I’m not sure what we did to deserve such attention, but I thought I’d share some of the spam with you all. For the record, not a single word or comma has been changed.

“so theyre sending i pot-dealing WoW player to prisonWay to continue, Johnny Law, thats about as harmless while he come.” Ok, wft? I mean, seriously, wtf?

“Right affinity foresees the requirements of other sorts of in lieu of glorify its personalized.” Sounds like a very bad google translation of something profound.

 “Bliss could be a essence you should not strain found on many and it doesn’t involve purchasing a variety of declines found on you and your family.”  Painful, just painful.

 “don’t want millions of people to see me in a bikini anyway. ” I loved this one, but then, what did it have to do with anything we’ve ever written? Still, it’s better english than some of the others.

“He was the top-winning Affenpinscher for several years. So the two frogs went to Mississippi River to look for Odie mother-in-law, which ask her to help untie the spell both of them.” It’s almost like I came in the middle of a conversation. But now I kinda want to know about Odie and the frogs.

“Never ever grimace, although the majority of a person is sad, to create do not no that is going down obsessed about a satisfaction.” Now, to be fair, I’ve said very similar things after two glasses of absinthe.

“hey, i like your valuable article in which you have described very well with point wise.” Me too.

“Its possibility are so fantastic not to mention working pattern so effective.” I know, right?

“cialis levitra ou viagra”  Ok, how in the world did we start getting french viagra ads?

“so informative site! big thanks!” Hey, no problem, you’re welcome, I think.

“Thank you for any other magnificent post. The place else could anybody get that kind of information in such a perfect manner of writing? I’ve a presentation next week, and I am on the look for such information.” Right, then, my advice, if you have a presentation, put down the rolled dollar bill, shovel the coke back into the bag and get some sleep.

“you need time to create that interesting and additionally real effort to make such a good article.” Truer words were never said. No I mean, it. NEVER.

“I cnduot bvleiee taht I culod aulaclty uesdtannrd waht I was rdnaieg. Unisg the icndeblire pweor of the hmuan mnid, aocdcrnig to rseecrah at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dsenot mttaer in waht oderr the lterets in a wrod are, the olny irpoamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rhgit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whoutit a pboerlm. Tihs is bucseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey ltteer by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Aaznmig, huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghhuot slelinpg was ipmorantt! See if yuor fdreins can raed tihs too.” Now this was totally intersesting as I could actually read this and I wasn’t completely drunk at the time.

However, some of the spammers actually spoke (or knew how to write) english. Here are some of the more generic ones:

“great website. thank you for the info. cheers!” Thanks, but I will still not buy your Gucci bags.

“that was nice to know about.” thanks. *delete*

“your post is really informative for me. i liked it very much. keep sharing such important posts.” Oh, we will, we will. You can’t shut us up now even if you wanted.

“excellent article , covers a lot of ground i’ve found a great article. Thanks”  Oh, so close, but a swing and a miss.

thanks for taking your time to explain that, i bet everyone likes your articles. You know what, I do, too.

So now, I look for those odd spamisms. I’ve even come to like them. “Me want can’t do like article you.” It almost makes sense. It’s so close to actually being something. Like me making a curry. It wants to be a curry, it almost looks like curry but boy, did I bugger something up along the way.

A part of me wants to spam back. Write something in english, translate it to french, then translate it to arabic, then translate it chinese then back to english again. I wonder what would happen.

Now let us all sing together. Spam, spam, spam spam spam spam spam,

Pages Rewritten: 102

Turkey Dinners: Still 0

Backups Done: 3 every day (sometimes more.) Save. Save to flash. Save to email and send.

Movie Seen This Week: Les Miserables. Freaking brilliant.

17 thoughts on “Why so serious?

  1. LOVED your post Joe. Your humor cracks me up and thank-you for being our spam police. Maybe there is a fiction character in there somewhere too. If you’re still craving turkey I can invite you over next time we have a turkey dinner. Or better yet, our group could get together for a turkey dinner with pie after Feb 5th?? All I have to do is close my eyes and I can see Silk’s pies all lined up. Maybe there’s one left?

  2. Odie and the Frogs. I feel a story in that. I see a picture, too. Of what, I’m not sure, but it involves bull rushes, summer and straw hats somehow. And of course, Odie and some frogs. This was good – my blog’s spam isn’t half as good as yours!

  3. Thanks for the laughs and the video. It’s frightening to think these providers of spam believe they are learning anything. That means, with the half of mind they have left they might be tempted to write a book. Keep sending the spam. It certainly means I won’t take myself too seriously.

  4. Hilarious, Joe! Hilarious, but creepy. I had no idea we were getting bombed with it. And that’s with a built-in spam filter. Yikes. Web spam is as mysterious as spam-in-a-can. What’s REALLY in there, anyway? As everyone probably knows by now, there is only one place in the world where spam (the meat-like substance) is truly revered … Hawaii. Weird or what? I think a whole WWII story could be written around this inexplicable piece of trivia!

  5. Thanks Joe. Loved this. What a laugh. I loved your commentary as much as the amusing spam. I was going to scramble my eggs, I mean letters in this comment but that’s way harder than typing htem in the right order. Oh! Did you see <– that? I did one by accident. Looks fine. Just fine. Cheers and happy RE writing.

  6. But where does Spam end, and Prem and Klick begin? I’ve been using “Prem” for a while to mean “unsolicited e-mail with reasonably large recipients’ list but which actually comes from someone known to the recipients and is meant to be friendly or at least helpful.” I think I’ve got two people using it…..

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