Joe’s Post #31 — You know what, after a week of no responses from agents, I just needed a laugh. So I reworked something I wrote a while ago.
April 15th, 2013
Dear important agent-like-person,
Please, please, please take a look at my novel. It comes in at 350,000 words, but it’s really not that bad. All my friends say so, even my mom who thinks I should have been an accountant. Plus, my friend, Arwen, who is not the Arwen of Tolkein fame (but that’s where her mother got the name), anyway, she says that she really liked it except of course for the spelling errors and the overuse of the word blood-splattered.
Anyhoodles, I’ve enclosed the manuscript and a picture of my cat who inspired me to write the story. It’s basically about this angel who’s not really an angel who wants to save his people who don’t really like him, so he goes off to a very weird land that is full of monsters and he overcomes them all, falls in love, has lots of sex (that I hope my mother will never read about) then comes back and everyone loves him. Like Rudolf the reindeer except, well, there aren’t any reindeer. Oh, there is a battle though.
So, this has to be something you’d be interested in, doesn’t it?
I mean, I talked to you at the Surrey Writer’s Conference, and, even though the security guards eventually had to haul me away, I thought we made a connection, a real connection, so you’re the first one to get this manuscript – after my cat of course.
I just know that you will love it and I expect a call within a week, but don’t worry, if I don’t get that call, I’ll just fly out and talk to you in person as I know exactly where you live, (though I think I may have to leave my cat at home.)
Bob (remember me now?)
So, I hope everyone out there is writing or reading or thinking about reading or writing.
I’ll be back next with week with something different. Again.