Karalee’s Post #83 — At our 5Writer’s meeting this week we agreed we are all writers (see Joe’s last post), and that we would all love to be published, and that above all else we are all writers.
Beyond a doubt this job is hard work.
Unlike in the movie “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”, none of the 5Writers are getting any younger, and we feel the need to start pulling ourselves up the learning curve towards the sign that says, “You’ve made it. You are now a published writer.”
Of course we would all prefer to simply write.
Our meeting has me reflecting on my writing past, my challenges at present, and what I need to start doing to reach my published goal.
Like Paula, I have my monsters lurking too, but my fear factor has changed as I’ve churned out more words under my fingertips and learned more about the craft of writing. I now have more experience taking my ideas and creating characters and stories.
So how has my fear changed?
When I decided I wanted to delve into writing in a big way, fear was a huge barrier. Could I really write anything someone would want to read? Then, when I thought about my friends and family reading what I wrote, fear spiked again. I write murder mysteries with nasty villains with nasty thoughts and nasty families and relationships. What would people I know think about how I think?
But I started writing anyway, turning my ideas into stories I thought were compelling.
After a couple of years:
I enjoyed writing and kept writing and forgot about the fear of putting down words that people would read and maybe judge me by. It didn’t seem to matter so much anymore. I felt more open to write without worrying and when I was writing I lived in my own isolated world that felt normal to me.
Then I got more serious about my writing:
I felt the need to bump up my writing skills and have other people read my work and give me feedback. I could do the same for other fellow writers. I started going to SiWC and I joined a writing group (one before the 5Writers). Once again I had to conquer the fear of my work being read and critiqued, but go forth I did, and my writing improved.
I got even more serious and joined the 5Writers:
To join this group I had to submit a piece of writing and a resume and have the existing members decide if I had enough to offer to the group. This was on a new level for me and rejection was a possibility, and of course fear to submit my work reared its ugly head.
I passed and have been in the group for four years.
I’m struggling though, at this higher level of expectations for myself. I have yet to develop an outstanding protagonist that pulls my stories to the level I’m striving for and it is driving me mad.
Silk reminded me that often our protagonists are a reflection of ourselves and I take this to probably be true for less experienced writers like myself that is-yet-to-be-published. I’ve thought about this and realize that I’m not pushing my protagonist enough, or making him or her different enough since “I” wouldn’t do that.
In effect I need to get out of my comfort zone! I’m still holding back due to the fear that my protagonist may be seen as “me” and not everything I want my protagonist (or my antagonist) to do is “nice” or seen as “normal.”
I have come full circle with fear still holding me back. I could stop and say that I’ve been spinning my wheels, wasting my time the last couple of years and not making much progress, but I believe everything happens in its own time.
What’s different this time though, is that I’m less fearful about what people think about “me” in my writing and I also understand the craft of writing more than when I first started. So, when one of my fellow writers said to me, “Make your protagonist someone you are not,” it made absolute sense, and I can now consciously change my bad habits and head in the direction I need to go.
Without working through all the learning and other writing challenges before now, this simple suggestion would not have the insight it gave me.
Thank-you 5Writers! Often times it is the subtle suggestions that have the greatest impact on one’s learning. Even though fear is still there, it is challenging me to push forward, not holding me back. It’s all a matter of perspective, right?
I’m pretty sure we all have some fear of putting ourselves out there for others to view part of who we are. What are your fears? Are they holding you back? Sometimes it is recognizing and acknowledging them that allows us to work with (or around) them and not against them.
I’m on holidays for the next few weeks and will be back on schedule in the middle of August. Enjoy the summer weather.