Worth hanging around

kiteHelga’s Post # 113:   This is my first post in over three months. It will be short and has little to do with writing. Just living.

I think I may be ready. Or almost so. Ready to find my way back to the groove, into the fold of the 5 writers group. I haven’t done any writing other than my personal journal, and I have not even done much reading in those last months – a first since grade school. Events beyond my control have dominated my time and my ability to write. They have created havoc with my equilibrium since my last post in May and to some extent, many months before. In the face of a tragic event, the muse goes into hiding. She will stay there despite efforts to coax her back.

The good news is that Mother Nature, sneaky as she is, has a way of taking care of us. Once we reach a threshold of grief, when we think we just can’t face another day, along she comes and endows us with an unexpected strength to not only survive but move forward. Ever so slowly, in tiny increments, sometimes going backwards before we can move forward to the next phase. But the path is firmly set and we move on.

She does so with an assortment of tricks. Suddenly, after months when the world was awash in monotone gray, colours are starting to look more vibrant. The hue of trees and plants take on a deeper green, the ocean a deeper blue; children’s laughter suddenly sounds joyful rather than grating, and people seem to smile more. Or perhaps they are returning our smile. Food starts to taste like food again and we might even remember how to produce a good meal for friends. We might take up walking again, long walks, giving us the opportunity to take stock of our new life, to do some healing. Friendships deepen and new friendships develop. The world starts to look like a worthwhile place to hang around a bit longer.

But we have to do our part to help her out. Not all days are filled with optimism and renewed energy. Dark clouds do descend without warning when least expected. They will continue to appear, with myriads of large and small reminders from before our life changed. As time goes on, they are bound to recede and lose their strength, though there is no magic cure. It takes work, lots of hard and painful work, to clamber out of that deep cave. Sometimes we will slide back. There will always be that big hole in the heart that can’t be filled. But the strength and the will to succeed are there – the ‘joie de vivre’ and the capacity and desire to bring joy to others. In the end, we are still the same people we were before a tragic event nearly derailed us. We have the same likes, dislikes, passions, values and quirky personalities. And there is a bonus ahead if we stay the course: We become survivors. We will be stronger and have more resilience for whatever lies ahead.

So, chin up, folks. Eventually, the world will be whole again. We have no choice but to let it so. To quote from Haruki Murakami: ‘Everything passes. Nobody gets anything for keeps. And that’s how we’ve got to live.’

With that in mind, I am dipping my toes in the writing pond again. Wish me luck.

14 thoughts on “Worth hanging around

  1. Wishing you luck, laughter, love and (at least moments of) a light heart, Helga. And, of course, words. You know you have friends, so remember to reach out when you have a dark moment. If nothing else, we can at least remind you how loved you are.

    • Oh Silk, you do have a way with words. And it feels good to be reminded how rich I am to have friends like you! Thanks for being there.

  2. Beautifully and poignantly written. We can only guess at how hard this is for you, (although as writers who on occasion are forced to examine human emotions in more than a casual fashion, and as your dear friends, we can make a pretty good guess). As your friends and writing companions, we are with you every step of the way. In the meantime, we admire your courage! Hope the laughter starts to flow more easily during our 5month challenge and so great to have you part of the journey.

    • Paula, Paula, Paula! Yes, the laughter will start to flow during the next 5 months of writing. Slowly, but surely. Rest assured, I will write a light-hearted story, no serial killers, no blood and gore, (well maybe a little – I do need an antagonist). So a new phase has begun for me, and the 5 month challenge seemed sort of symbolic of a new start. Let the games begin.

    • Thank you Carol. Indeed, I need more than luck – I hope I will receive the gift of a renewed creative spirit and strength.

    • Well said, Richelle. So, that means a lot of crying and a lot of writing! But it’s as true as the saying ‘“The only way you can write is by the light of the bridges burning behind you.”

    • Oh, Joe, if you’d only know (or maybe you do) how much that means! It’s one hek of a ladder to help me climb out. I hope to give back to you guys something, anything you need down the road.

  3. Thanks Helga for sharing and your courage to continue. I like how your world is a bit more colourful at times and your walks are longer and friendships have deepened. Welcome back to your Friday postings and go at whatever pace you need. Namaste.

    • Thanks, Karalee. Yes, those long walks are a real tonic, and especially those when I have a good friend along. Come back any time for more. I enjoy those walks and chats!

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